Stressed Beyond Belief

Ahhhh....a gorgeous sunset will always 
turn my day around. 

Something very interesting happened last week (and by interesting, I mean terrifying). 

What happened? This Type-A-I-Can-Do-It-All Wonder Woman decided she could handle 15 gigantic tasks, all at the same time.   They were ALL urgent (we're #1!), required my immediate attention (NOW, lady, NOW!), and nothing could be dropped (hey-I’m no quitter!)

Except I couldn’t handle it all.  

In the middle of the night, I awoke to a raaaaaaacing heart.  Unfortunately, this pounding-heart-is-that-an-earthquake-oh-no-that’s-just-me sensation was terrifyingly familiar because it occurred frequently during my divorce.  In other words, one of the most traumatic times of my life.  

I needed to address my stress, so I quickly implemented Operation Stop Freaking Out:

1. Breathe. 
2. Pray. Hard.
3. Reach out to friends and ask them to pray for me. 
4. Make a list of everything on my mind (this whole Type A thing can come in handy too) 

Scanning the list of All The Ridiculous Things I Committed To made it abundantly clear why I was anxious—I was drowning in an ocean of Yesses. 

And something had to give.  Though I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what.  

In that moment, I realized I had a choice: Continue being Stressed Beyond Belief, or…not.  

Huh.   

When I looked at the situation from this new angle, my choice became simple.

I said no to being overwhelmed, and I said yes to me.

Looking back, I’m happy that I started to unravel. 

Because sometimes, in my quest to do it all, I lose myself.  And since I’m incredibly stubborn, I needed a shocking wake up call to inspire change. 

So today, I’m remembering that it's ok to say no.  

And to breathe.    

*How do you de-stress?  I'd love to hear from you, please share in the comments below.*

If we want things about our lives to change, we have to change the way we use the two most powerful words: yes and no. -Lysa TerKeurst

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.  From the ends of the earth  I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.  I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.  - Psalm 61:1-4

Uncertainty Sucks

There is one thing that's certain:
my nieces are the cutest things ever. 

I’m not a fan of uncertainty.  Never have been.

Even as a kid, if I was told at the last minute to Get in the car, we’re headed to a birthday party!, I’d FREAK OUT.  

Me: But I didn't know about this!  It’s not on my calendar!
Mom: You’re 6.  Calm down.

I’m a planner.  If it were up to me, I’d know exactly what was going to happen every minute of every day for the rest of my life.

Having certainty gives me peace.  I like knowing exactly what’s going to happen next.

Except I don’t always know.  Because life doesn’t work that way.  

The truth is, there will always be uncertainty.  

So, I've come to a challenging conclusion: I might as well find peace.

See, I originally set out to write 10 Things You Can Do To Be At Peace.  I ended up staring at my computer for a long time.  Then I attempted what turned out to be truly horrible writing (Smile! Go hiking! Hold a baby!).

I kept coming back to one thing.   Pray.

(Maybe you're howling, Cop out! and rolling your eyes.  I get it, I was annoyed too.  Hello, you said 10 Things!  Come on, Kekuna, you're better than this!) 

But I couldn’t.  Because that was my best answer.  Prayer.

Let me be clear that my prayers won't be found in any church pew anytime soon.

Because I pray boldly authentic, heart-gushing, crazy-time prayers.

I mean, sometimes they're sweet and cuddly: God, that sunset was freaking GORGEOUS! You are so creative! Thank you for all this beauty! Amen!

But sometimes, my prayers are gut-wrenching hail storms: God this SUCKS and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO and I’m TERRIFIED and and and...I HATE this!  But. I trust you. 

Trust. 

Trust that has brought me peace.   

I used to think anxiety was a normal part of life.  I was wrong.

Thank God for that.

Peace begins with a smile.  - Mother Teresa

We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.  -Dalai Lama

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7