Does Everyone Know What They're Doing But Me?

The Path of Life.  Yes, I'm in a cheesy mood.
On another note, how cute is my dog?!?

I don’t know about you, but my career path has gone exactly as planned.  

A straight shot down the Road to Success.  No deviations or surprises.  Just perfection.

(Oh gosh that’s funny.  Excuse me a moment as I laugh my little butt off.  Whew.  Ok back to my point).

Hardly.

As a young girl, I had some admirable goals: princess, fashion designer, Ambassador to France, and my personal favorite:  Crayola Crayon Namer. (That’s a thing, right?)

Instead, I've danced a little do-si-do and a loop-de-loo: 

• Subway Sandwich Artist (where I quit after 2 hours)
• Coffee Cart Barista (where I became addicted to Frappuccinos)
• Senate Intern (where I conducted delightful tours of the Capitol)
• Campus Switchboard Operator (where I refused to give a reporter the number of our football team’s kicker after he botched a PAT that resulted in a loss to Nebraska)
• Sales at MTV (where I planned fun parties, and partied a lot)
• Marketing at Proactiv (where I traveled the world)
• VP at a start-up skin care company (where I lost my job after a year)

In other words, an extremely strategic and brilliantly crafted career path [insert more laughter here].  

Not that my tasting menu approach was a bad thing, because many experiences quickly taught me what I didn’t want to do (I’m talking to you, Subway).  

I’ve spent most of my life chasing my definition of success: the right title, loads of money, glory and fame.

And after years of achieving and never being satisfied, it made me wonder:

What the heck am I doing with my life?

After years of wandering, I’ve finally figured it out.  I’ve realized, it isn’t about me.

I believe we’re all here on this earth for a reason.  We’re all born with a unique purpose that God instilled in each of us, and intends for us to use for good. 

Friends who have seen me during some very dark days, have recently told me that there’s something different about me.  The truth is, now that I’ve connected with what I’m meant to do, I can’t help but radiate joy.  

There is beautiful relief in knowing that my life has meaning.  As does my next door neighbor, the screaming baby on my flight, the Whole Foods cashier. 

And you.    

Have you found it? I’d love to hear from you. Please share in the comments. 

If you’re alive, there’s a purpose for your life. - Rick Warren

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from. - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. - Matthew 5:16

Who Are Your Monkeys?

One of my monkeys gave this to me.
His name is George.  I'm super clever like that. 

I took (another) life-changing seminar this past week (Hello, My Name is Kalei and I’m addicted to seminars).

Since my name is not exactly easy to pronounce, without fail, these events begin with us all playing The Name Game.  For example:

New Person: Hey there [glances at name tag]…Kay-lee!

Me: Hello New Person! It’s actually pronounced [slower than honey] KUH...LAY. 

New Person: Got it, Kahlua. 

(This little scenario, which I encounter multiple times a day, is why I answer to everything from Kayla to Kool-Aid).

This particular seminar was completely AH- MAZING.

The content was incredibly powerful.  However, what excited me more was The People.  Because of the nature of the seminar, I found people just like me (this idea may be completely terrifying to my family, who I can imagine are thinking: um, we can handle just one Kalei at a time). 

Strangely, the word that came to mind while I was there was Fellowship, a churchy word that makes me think of stuffy potlucks and overflowing rice cookers (and cookies. Mmmm. Cookies.  Peanut Butter Cookies.  Ok where was I…). In this context, to me it meant learning together, listening, loving, and supporting each other in spite of our humanness.  

It was another reminder to me that hey, we’re all in this thing together. 

And apparently I think I’m pretty special, because I struggle daily with trying to do life by myself.  

And then I’m reminded, in one way or another, that no, in fact, I am not Wonder Woman.  

I need my monkeys.  

Say what??  (Bear with me.  I know I'm all over the place today but I promise I actually do have a point).

I attended a (you guessed it) seminar earlier this year where I heard a story that really struck a chord*.  Scientists put a monkey in a cage, and then terrified the crap out of it- flashing lights, horrifying sounds, the works.  They measured his stress levels, which, not surprisingly, were off the charts.   

Then they put the monkey’s friend in the cage with him.  They repeated the experiment.  

The monkey’s stress levels were reduced in half. 

It’s a simple experiment, with two profound lessons:

1. Sometimes, our buddy doesn’t need to do anything but be there with us when our cage is rattled.  

2. Choose the right monkeys. 

After hearing that story, I made sure to tell my monkeys how much I appreciated them.  

Perhaps your conversation can go something like this, but slightly less awkward.  (This is a completely hypothetical situation of course): 

Um so I learned this story about monkeys and um…I was wondering, Will You Be My Monkey?

The thing is, we were never meant to do life alone.

We all need our monkeys.  

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. - Oprah Winfrey

Fellowship is a place of grace, where mistakes aren't rubbed in but rubbed out. Fellowship happens when mercy wins over justice.  -Rick Warren

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. - Romans 12:10

*The Monkey Story was shared by Dr. Henry Cloud, and I believe is included in his book, Boundaries for Leaders.  

Thinking Good Thoughts

Hey, do you think I took enough notes? 

I felt pretty disgusting last week.

I usually work out every day, and I’ve been trying to eat as healthily as possible.  Normally this means a healthy breakfast (green smoothie!), healthy lunch (big salad!), and a somewhat healthy dinner (roasted veggies and fish and ok maybe a cookie!)

But being out of town always throws me off.  Due to an all-day meeting, I was forced to skip working out.  And being ridiculously busy, I didn’t pre-plan my meals.  Combine this with my Olympic-winning excuse-making powers, and I made some pretty funky choices.

Breakfast: Peanut Butter Cookie Lara Bar

Lunch: Nutter Butter Snack Pack

Snack on My Way Home When I Really Should Have Just Eaten Dinner for Goodness Sakes: Half a Jar of Creamy Jif Peanut Butter  

(You may have noticed that I have a Peanut Butter Problem.  I mean, I don’t even pretend to grab carrot sticks anymore.  I eat this stuff straight up out of the jar).

Allow me to explain.  I was in LA for an all-day meeting.  After an unsatisfying lunch, I thought it would be a great idea to grab a snack before I hit the road for what was going to be a long drive home.  It should have only taken me an hour, however on that particular day, it was raining.  And in Southern California, rain = Armageddon Panic Time.  Not only was it raining, I was driving on the 405, aka Hell’s Freeway, which plays host to some of the worst traffic in the country.  I knew it would take me a while, so clearly I deserved a snack in the form of a jar of peanut butter (see above regarding gold-medal-award-winning excuse-making).

The next day I woke up, totally disgusted.  My jeans felt a little tighter.  And my face seemed a little fatter.

I looked at myself in the mirror and all kinds of horrific thoughts excitedly popped into my head. 

Well you’re looking pretty fat today. 

I can’t believe you did that, you idiot!   

You’re completely disgusting.

My thoughts can spin out of control so quickly.  And if I let them, they could go on forever.   

That’s when I need to do a Double-Check.  (Side note: isn’t Aaron Rodgers the cutest?  I mean no one will surpass Peyton in Athlete that Makes the Best Commercials Ever, but Aaron’s got potential.  Yes, Aaron, Peyton and I are on a first name basis.  Yes, I’m going through football withdrawal).

Our thoughts are so powerful.  And good or bad, true or not, I believe them. 

I was reminded in an inspirational sermon by Rick Warren yesterday that it’s important to manage my mind because

My Thoughts Control My Life.

BOOM. This is seriously one of the most convicting statements I’ve ever heard.

It’s a constant struggle, because we're constantly bombarded.  Especially when my jeans are too tight, I don’t have time for a workout, or I just mess up.  

But instead of letting these dangerous thoughts continue, I need to feed my mind with truth, free my mind from destructive thoughts, and focus my mind on the right things.

Be careful how you think.  Your life is shaped by your thoughts. Proverbs 4:23

I know I won't change overnight.  But remembering that I can choose to focus on the good thoughts- that’s a game-changer.   

It's Not About Me

I mean, this is a really important question: should
I be spinning 2 or 3 times a week??!?

I’ve been spending a lot of time in my head lately.  Sometimes, it’s not a safe place.  Sometimes, it’s a one-way ticket to Crazy Town.

I have NOTHING to wear to this birthday party (as 14 perfectly capable dresses lay on my bed).   

Maybe I should take spinning 3 times a week instead of 2.   

How many likes did my post get on Facebook? 

If I don't accept this new client, how am I going to pay for my Europe vacation?

Me me me me me.

I always remember the first time I read the opening line of Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life: 

“It’s not about you.” BOOM.

I recall thinking, Waaaaait a second. WHAT?!?!

I was reminded by two quotes in my journal of all places, that maybe I needed to take a little vacation from My Head. (Side note: my journal is really special and has magical powers.  No joke.  But that’s a story for a different time).

“Life is not easy for any of us.  But what of that?  We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves.  We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.”  Marie Curie

“Each of you has received a gift to use to serve others.  Be good servants of God’s various gifts of grace.” 1 Peter 4:10 NIV

This world can make it pretty easy for me to think I’m the most important person in the universe.  (Please don’t misunderstand, I’m all for self-love and self-care.  I journal, take long walks, have a massage club membership and own 4 kinds of bath salts).

What am I doing about this little predicament?  I'm listening to the little nudges in my journal. I decided to get out of my head, and get out there and serve. So I signed up for two upcoming volunteer events.  

It's a start.