So Maybe I'm Not the Best Role Model...

I love wine. That is all.

I had a fun and fabulous lunch with a fun and fabulous fellow PK (Pastor's Kid) over the weekend. (Side note: I need to start a PK Club.  We are truly a special bunch of special people). 

For three hours, over a bottle of wine, we laughed, we cried.  But mostly, we laughed—hysterically—much to the entertainment of other diners.  

What did we laugh about? Mostly this:

That we both tried so hard for many, many years to live up to being the Perfect Little Christian Girls we thought we should be.

Then we Let It Go. Maybe a bit too much, as PK’s often do. 

Now we’re back.  And we’re trying to figure it all out. 

I’m slightly concerned that some of my behavior may not be perceived as very Christian role model-y.

Because, you know...

I like to drink.
I’m divorced. 
I swear. 
I have a tattoo.

And the list goes on and on. 

I was telling my friend that lately, I’ve tried very hard to work on treating everyone with love and compassion.  

She agreed, but quickly added, “and Grace.  Don’t forget about Grace.” 

Grace- this soft, light, beautiful word- was a wonderful reminder to me.  

Now please don’t get me wrong: I don’t see Grace as a Free Pass to do whatever the heck I want.  

But the fact that it’s always there is such a relief.  And a gift. 

Because sometimes- just sometimes- I mess up.  

That's when I get to turn to God for his Grace.  Over and over and over.

I struggled with how to best end this post.  Because I struggle with what it means to be a fun, cool, normal Christian.  

Here's what I got:

I'm learning to be gentle on myself, because I'm doing the best I can.  

And that's enough.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

I Hate Messy

I'm in the middle of cleaning out my closets.
I will try to embrace this Goodwill pile
that's driving me bonkers.

I hate messy. Even the word gives me shivers—it makes me want to bust out my container of cleaning supplies and go to town.

I LOVE organization.  I THRIVE with structure.  If it were up to me, everything would be tied up in a nice little box, with a pretty little bow, and placed its rightful location.

When something is out of place, it makes me very uneasy.  And I hate feeling uncomfortable.

But I was reminded in an awesome sermon last night that messy is our reality (oh how it hurts to admit this).  We live in it constantly, because that’s life.  It’ll never be completely clean or right or perfect (SURPRISE, that’s my favorite word).

And God expects the mess.  He wants us to get all up in it.

You’re probably wondering where the heck I’m going with this.  (Side note: I have A LOT of energy this morning, can you tell?  I’m literally bouncing off the walls.  I’m gonna blame the chia seeds I added to my green smoothie and the kick ass spin class that was so intense, it left me a bit overheated.  I apologize in advance to anyone who has to hang out with me today).

So I’m blogging.  Again.  And this new blog, it kinda sucks.  I don’t have it figured out yet.  I don’t like the fonts, the colors are a bit horrendous, I’ll probably change the background picture forty times.  I don’t even have a clear idea of exactly what I should write about. But I decided to just get it out there, in all its messy glory, and figure it out as I go along.  (Ok, deep breaths).  At least I'll be writing. 

This may seem ridiculous to you, but it’s a big step for me.  I can’t believe that I'm about to share this blog with you even though it's not yet totally PERFECT, and I haven’t run it by 100 of my closest friends for feedback before “going live.”  

So. Welcome to my mess.

www.kaleikekuna.blogspot.com