Wednesday, March 5, 2014

What a Difference A Year Makes

I cannot believe I used to work here.  I also cannot believe
it was 19 degrees and I was outside taking this picture. 
I visited New York this past weekend. Upon landing, I got a little emotional.  This took me completely by surprise, and made me a little embarrassed—I was having a fun conversation with Window Seat Guy, who, once I started crying, had no idea what to do with me.  I could literally hear the poor guy thinking: Lady, I thought you were normal till just now. 

I now understand why, it being my first time back since I moved 14 months ago, I got a little choked up. 

Let me back up. 

I had moved to New York for an incredible job opportunity: Awesome company, title, responsibilities, and salary that afforded me an amazing apartment, wardrobe, and the most expensive doggy daycare on earth.   

On the outside, I was living The Good Life.  I had the Job of a Lifetime!  I had a fabulous apartment on The Upper West Side!  I carried a Prada bag and wore Gucci shoes!  I dated snobby, wealthy Finance guys!

But I was far from family and friends.  I worked a lot.  I traveled even more.  I was expected to make $1 million in my first year of employment (I exaggerate here but only slightly).  You know, no pressure.

And of course, being a strong, independent, everything-is-fine kinda gal, I didn’t really tell anyone that I was freaking out.  I preferred to yell at myself. 

You’re an idiot.  You have your dream job in an awesome city, you’re making more money than you’ve ever made in your life—you’re living the dream!  What the hell is wrong with you?  Get it together! 

On the inside, I was unbelievably stressed, and lonely.  I felt totally out of control in every area of my life.

So I turned to Food.

Food easily occupied 60% of my waking thoughts.  The rest was roughly 30%= Work, 9%= Dog, 1%= Gee I wonder which I should designer bag I should buy this week.

I’d spend hours researching restaurants, dissecting menus, making reservations.  I’d design my weekends around visiting as many dessert places as I could.  And when I wasn’t dining at some of New York’s best, I was ordering a ton of delicious delivery food (stupid GrubHub and your amazing late night delivery service).

Not surprisingly, I gained weight.  Which made me even more upset.  And the vicious cycle continued. 

I don’t blame you if this is what you’re thinking: Good God lady, that’s sad.  

So back to landing.  It struck me that in just 14 months, everything has changed.  I’m now a completely different person, in the best possible way. 

I own my own company.  I’m in nutrition school. I have a much healthier relationship with food.  I have an incredible support network.  I volunteer regularly.  I’m training for a half marathon.  I’m fulfilled, happy, loved.  (And a tad busy). 

What changed?  I turned everything over to God. 

This doesn’t mean that my life is all rainbows and unicorns.  Nor does it mean that I sit on my ass all day waiting for stuff to happen.

But handing everything over to God has made a huge difference in my life.  I have such peace, especially when it comes to my problems.  From today’s “Jesus Calling”: 

Every problem can teach you something, transforming you little by little into the masterpiece I created you to be….I will not necessarily remove your problems, but My wisdom is sufficient to bring good out of every one of them.

With God’s help, I now see this painful time in my life as an incredible blessing.  The people and experiences he's blessed me with have enriched my life in so many ways. 

For example, Window Seat Guy: after wiping away a few tears and giving him an I swear I’m normal smile, he reached into his bag and handed antiseptic wipe.  

Ahh New York, I love ya.

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